Accepting What You Cannot Change
Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
As we choose to accept what we cannot change, we then move on to change the things we can. In this process we obtain serenity, a place of calm. It is from this place of calm that we find solutions to the matters we can change.
Some circumstances and situations we never will change. From the weather to other people’s opinions, learning to let go of our need for control liberates us and brings that important sense of calm. Yes, some things are beyond our grasp. So, the big question is how do I choose to accept what cannot be changed? I am giving myself advice in this column as much as I share it with you.
One, realize we never will be fully in control of most matters. Life has no obligation to work according to our whims. I know this statement might sound a little harsh, but it’s the cold, hard truth. We can’t control the weather, our body’s natural aging process, the thoughts and actions of others; you get the point.
Two, manage your expectations. We live in a world that tells us to want more, be more, and do more. This isn’t always a negative message, but it often gets in the way of our desire for serenity. Accepting that life is unpredictable and things may not always go according to plan can help us create more doable expectations, reducing the potential for disappointment.
Three, practice radical acceptance. This step is about embracing reality as it is, not as we wish it to be. It’s not about resignation, giving up, being passive nor proclaiming “it is what it is.” Radical acceptance is all about freeing ourselves from the exhausting and anxiety-ridden struggle against situations we just can’t control. So, I choose to accept the reality, knowing that I will have to release my need for control and manage my emotions during the process.
Four, journal your feelings. I find that journaling is a good way to let go of matters I can’t control. As I journal my feelings, disappointments, and concerns I give my need for control over to God.
Five, know that God always has a next. He is always on the move and at work in our lives each day. A change comes into our lives, and God uses it to grow our dependence on Him. God opens a door for us; we step into it, and then God opens another door. We pray about a matter that makes us feel anxious, and then, God in His timing, changes either the situation or us. He is always working His moments of next into our lives.
Six, choose to rest in God. His plans are unshakeable, His love toward us never wavers. His Word is dependable. Find comfort in your relationship with Him no matter whatever negative situation comes our way. Walking with the Lord daily releases much of the stress in our lives.
Seventh, trust God for sufficient grace. You might find it helpful to read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. Especially in times of anxiety, stress, weakness, and difficulty God gives the grace we need to endure the circumstances we cannot change. God’s grace is big enough to cover every area of our lives. His grace covers the good, the bad, and the ugly. God’s grace fills in the gaps where we fall short, make mistakes, and attempt to control things we cannot change.
