Let Go of Resentment
Let Go of Resentment
I took French in high school. I loved the French language, and considered at one time that God might be calling me to serve as a missionary in France. A French word, ressentir, means “intense feelings.” In English the word is “resentment.” The English word describes the feelings of bitterness and outrage at being treated unfairly or unkindly.
Think of how you felt when you were passed over for a promotion or cheated and swindled, or someone took advantage of you, or you were lied to or ignored, or you spouse jilted you for someone else. The offense against us doesn’t have to be an extraordinary wrong to pull us into resentment.
The reason behind our resentment is that we were wronged and mistreated. We have this God-given sense of justice, that people should treat us fairly and justly. Sadly, people don’t always live up to this expectation.
Our resentment becomes a problem when we internalize our feelings of resentfulness and we end up harboring bitterness. Every know someone consumed with bitterness?
The Bible has strong words about bitterness. “See to it that no bitter root grows up among you” (Hebrews 12:15). What, then, are ways we can overcome resentment and bitterness?
First, let God be the judge. When feeling resentment, our initial instinct is to get revenge on the person who offended us. Again, the Bible is clear: “Do not take revenge, for it is written, it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.” God sees every offense we suffer, and because He is God, He will judge the offense perfectly. We humans tend to botch our efforts at pay back; God never will.
Second, distinguish between the person who offended you and their actions. This step can help us separate the sin from the sinner, allowing us to condemn the wrong while still seeing the humanity in the other person, because every person has been created in God’s image.
Third, understand that releasing resentment is a process not a single event. We will have times when we feel have let go of our resentment, only to find the resentment resurfacing. This is part of being a flawed human being.
Fourth, become better, not bitter. Personal hurts and offenses are the results of living in a fallen, sinful world. Refuse to allow yourself to get stuck. We are not getting better when we speak negatively about the person who hurt us. Or we react negatively when we hear the person’s name mentioned.
Fifth, focus on love. Live every day in the second greatest commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). God loves sinful people so how can we do less? He will help you love the person who hurt you.
Sixth, forgive. By forgiving the person who treated you unjustly, you are not letting that person off the hook, as we sometimes say. Nor are you ignoring what that person did to you. Neither is forgiveness forgetting.
The word for forgiveness in Scripture carries the idea of releasing a debt. The person who treated you wrongly is indebted to you. Your forgiveness releases that debt without you needing to get back at the person to feel good about yourself.
I saw my first hockey game when I lived in Michigan. The players on each team get pushed, bumped, and knocked down. They don’t resent the other players, but instead see it as part of the sport. Life is a lot like hockey. We will get bumped, hurt, mistreated, backstabbed, and betrayed. Let go of resentment and you will find freedom from anger and bitterness.
